Antwone Tate, a once-diligent FedEx employee from Memphis, recently pulled off a caper straight out of a heist movie, minus the precision planning and cool getaway scenes. In a perhaps too-tempting sequence of unfortunate decisions, Tate swapped his daily grind for a fleeting flirtation with ill-gotten glamour, pocketing packages meant for deserving recipients. Among his newfound treasures were an $8,500 diamond ring, nearly $14,000 worth of glittering gold bars, and some baseball cards with enough prestige to make any collector’s pulse quicken.
The plot unravels at FedEx’s Memphis Hub, a place presumably buzzing with promises of packages in transit. But for Tate, it wasn’t enough to merely work amidst such tantalizing freight; he allegedly decided to sample the goods. Loss Prevention operatives at the hub started piecing together a peculiar puzzle when packages began vanishing on an ordinary May day, raising red flags faster than you can say, “It must be a glitch.”
Following the metaphorical breadcrumbs—or diamond sparkles in this case—officials arrived at a pawn shop laden with the festivity of found treasure. There, the awol diamond ring and gold bars had re-emerged, courtesy of an unlikely benefactor: Tate’s own shining visage. In a move likely not covered in the “Pawnshop Shenanigans 101” handbook, Tate had staked his claim to these items using his own driver’s license. The shock! The scandal! One might venture that subtlety wasn’t his strong suit.
Yet, Tate’s reel of misadventure wasn’t quite finished. Hovering in the plot’s shadows was a third package, stuffed not with precious minerals but with baseball riches—vintage cards with provenance that would ignite envy in any sports aficionado. Its contents read like a dream list from a collector’s convention: a 1915 Cracker Jack Chief Bender and a 1933 Goudey Sport Kings Ty Cobb, totaling around $6,800 in value. Poised gallantly atop their collectors’ pedestals, these cardboard legends somehow pirouetted their way onto eBay. Listed under the seller name “antta_57,” these treasures virtually screamed, “Steal me!”
As detectives raced to solve this mystery, they found that the online auction-framed escapade also traced back to Tate with the precision of a high-school math proof. The eBay username might as well have been “thief_in_disguise,” but instead, it became “hi_its_tate.”
Amidst escalating drama, legal consequences promptly followed. Tate was charged with theft of property in a textbook example of “what not to do when you’re trying to remain undetected.” Fortunately—or unfortunately for Tate—FedEx issued a statement confirming Mr. Antwone had received his pink slip, cementing that ex-employees shouldn’t expect a hearty recommendation letter any time soon.
FedEx didn’t mince words, issuing a somber yet stern reminder: stealing is simply not listed under “responsibilities” in one’s employment contract. The fallout, however, is a louder lesson for logistics ninjas everywhere: “Check your eBay for missing packages, but steer clear of antta_58.”
With his Brahman loyalty to FedEx shattered and his account name eternally etched in ignominy, there is no question that Tate will have ample time behind bars to ponder the fleeting euphoria of his side hustle. One might even hope the hypothetical auctioneer inside him gets a chance to reflect quietly on his ambition and forgettable finesse.
Thus concludes the saga of the FedEx employee whose dreams of wealth ended in courtroom tales. As with any bewitching account of want and woe, there lingers a sage lesson: Let those whose hands are prone to thievery dwell far from valuables of any kind, whether deftly delivered parcels or collectible Americana.